When the world's first online dating website, Match.com, in 1995, graced our eyes and anxiously awaited fingertips - we weren't to know the future. Within six months, 100,000 people registered for the free service and now it has more than 1.7 million paid subscribers. Tinder followed in 2012, Hinge in the same year, and Bumble in 2014. Now, we have an assorted range of applications, all with a few clicks of a button and swipe - choosing is something we don't need to do. From Bumble's feminist take on dating apps where only women can make the first move to Hinges' new voice prompts stirring up intimacy and OkayCupid blatantly on the lookout to partake in hookup culture. In 2024, we have over 1,500 dating apps and websites operating worldwide, all to find and nurture a potential connection. But does this solve the matter of feeling rejected for having too many apps?
While dating app dread, ghosting, and getting stood up are still all side effects of using our technology friends - has dating changed? Or are we in a toxic cycle which we may not be able to break free from?
Below, my dearest friend, Victoria Rodford, and I explain and share our long-term experiences with our two-faced friend and foe: The Dating App.
1. How long have you been using dating apps?
J: I have been using dating apps for a long time. Over the years, I have used the most well-known three: Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. Each of them has granted me different insights into the general feel, direction and representation of how we represent ourselves and our approaches to online dating.
V: On and off since I was eighteen.
2. What is a favourite among dating apps you have used? And why?
J: Hinge is my favourite dating app, with its' easy going prompts and humorous voice note features. I would say that Hinge forces you to fill out at least answers for your profile, giving viewers more insight.
V: I would say probably Bumble, as I like that women can only message first, and there aren't any 'down to f***' questions. The supporting profile questions are similar to Tinder. However, men only have 24 hours to reply on Bumble, which can be problematic. Bumble is a great dating app for the ultra-feminists and women who like taking charge with the first move.
3. What changes have you noticed within the ongoing use of dating apps? Do you believe that the variation of profiles used has stayed the same?
J: I believe that dating is predominantly always changing. The way we interact, learn about new people and socialise with friends. I think it's more challenging and rarer to approach someone in person now as we have made a habit of communicating through our phones. Scribbling your phone number and handing it to someone is less natural than it was ten years ago.
V: The one big difference in dating apps I have noticed is that you can change what you are searching for. For example, this could be short-term or long-term. I think it's better to talk to people who would like the same ideal situation as you (e.g. a relationship or not). Therefore, you aren't wasting each other's time if one party wants a short-term relationship or 'f*** buddy'.
4: Do you think that dating is more difficult now?
J: I think dating gets more difficult when you get older as although we learn from our mistakes with our relationships, those mistakes may cost you them. I think that in most cases we give up easily in our struggles instead of working through them and bag an “easy thing” instead. I believe working on that 20% of your relationship is probably better than throwing the good 80% part away.
V: I think that when you get older, the dating pool becomes smaller anyway. Repeat profiles, matches you may have come in contact before, can leave you disappointed and disheartened. These profiles may remind you of the reasons why you chose not to date them in the first place.
5. What have you learnt from dating? either from dating apps or in general?
V: I think realistically don’t sleep with anyone on the first date - men will be prejudiced against you despite whatever intentions you may have. Do not offer to go halves on the first round, this will tell you all you need to know of their character. It is also nice for the man to plan the first date, showing initiative and what kind of partner he will be. Go on activity dates such as mini golf, bowling, darts because it shows their true colours! (And mine because I am super competitive)
J: I have learnt that not everyone kisses on the first date, you shouldn’t wait much longer than two weeks to be asked out ( or ask someone out) (if distance is possible) and to always always ask for a catfish test! Safety and wellbeing despite whatever the dreamboat they may seem to be is of the utmost importance! And if the vibes are strange - you may want to ask for a ‘Angela’ at the bar…Make sure to wonder whether you like them and not just wonder if they like you! Is this person someone I’d be proud to call my partner?
6. And lastly, has online dating had positive after-effects on you? Do you believe your experiences have encouraged you to grow
V: No they haven’t, I think that most dating apps are focused on looks. When looking at dating apps we don’t say ‘oh this is someone I would connect with in real life’ or if you swiped right on them would you approach them in person? Probably not. I believe dating apps can portray you to be someone very confident - but in real social situations can be vastly different.
I think in the future we should stay away from dating apps as much as possible. Meeting someone organically is much better.
J: I have had many positive after-effects with dating apps, but also equally some negative ones. I think dating consistently can be tiring as well scheduling dates week by week but also very rewarding in other friends you can meet during this! It is a choice every single-girl has to make for herself - but whatever the choice we can only hope it goes smoothly!
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