settling in and settling down: monogamy, can sex with one partner become boring?

Settling in and settling down can be very exciting when giving up our single life. The nights of last-minute hookups and dodgy date nights are over. We become settled into our new relationships and content with our newfound, consistent sex life. But how often is it that our sex life can reach particular peaks and troughs? And how often do we partake in a repetitive routine that is predictable and slightly boring?

Sometimes when settled into our relationships which have become long term, sex can become monotonous. We've tried different positions, found out what makes us tick and stuck to what feels like a safe bet. Falling into a routine rather than having sex within the spur of the moment; can make it difficult to be excited to have sex.

How do we fix the problem of 'vanilla' sex? Open communication is vital when wanting to be adventurous and honest with your partner. Discussing your likes and dislikes in bed can make you and your partner more attuned to your desires. Sex can be thrilling, exciting and spontaneous when done in the correct settings. You can spark sexual tension and anticipation in your sex by digging into your and your partner's fantasies. We can avoid routined sex by being open-minded, spontaneous and willing to try new things. Discussing with your partner fetishes you might have, items on your to-do list and sexual fantasies all make way for better sex life. Keeping it young in terms of sexting, showing public affection, and being flirtatious at dinner; all encourage kinks and fulfilment.

Why does our sex life change in long term relationships? As time unravels, we become more attuned to our partner and their likes and dislikes and develop trust. We may have tried riskier things during foreplay or sex because we trust our partner more than the odd one night stand. Being in a relationship can also change our sex drive, how often we have sex and where sex takes place.

All in all, settling in and settling down doesn't need to be the end all and free fall. We can spark and maintain sexual drive in our long term relationships. Like most relationships, all require hard work and dedication, like our sex life. We each need to put in the hours to ensure our relationship remains fruitful and compelling, and we nurture the want to be with one another.